Monday, March 23, 2009!
HandWritten on; 4:35 PM
Today I realised how much I love triggers. For me, triggers are things that remind me of things I have done that I didnt recall until just then (whether it be because its been awhile since it happened, or if alcohol was involved).
Today I had a trigger about Friday spent with F. God, he is so lovely. I mean R and R don't seem to think so, but he is nice to me, and that matters. Although, the bad thing about hooking up with someone, is that you never know if they would like to do it again. I mean, I don't absolutely LOVE him, nor am I even close to love, but if oppurtunity arose I would hook up with him again, even if I was sober.
Is it wrong to enjoy drinking alcohol? I don't know, but I like it. Sometimes I do things I regret i.e, shown in
this post. But Friday night I do not regret, I had had my eye on him for awhile, and I had always harboured a teeny crush. I mean come on, we used to catch the same bus, I used to see him everyday!
Anyway, onto my next point. I was thinking today how I must be good at showing that I like someone. I know I only have three examples at the moment, but three is pretty good.
i) F from Friday. I started hitting on him from the moment he walked in the door of the party.
ii) N from D's party. Yeah, so I didnt hook up with him, but he did want to (and the only reason we didnt, is cos I left early) and I had kinda been flirting with him.
iii) HIM, from the above linked post. I know, I shouldnt be so dumb! I actually caused that one. But I didnt think he would realise I was hitting on him, nor did I think he would actually do anything about it!
So yeah, three reasons. I know they aren't very good reasons, but they are some of the only times I have made it obvious and flirted with a boy. God, that makes me sound so frigid and shy, but its not really. i) and iii) I had alcohol in my system, and with ii) (this is going to sound bitchy) but I was only doing it to see if a boy would respond to my flirting, I knew I was never going to see him again.
Yeah, this has been quite a long post, but I figured it was time to catch up. I havent posted in a while, but yeah.
Also, N, from a while ago? He was/is (not quite sure) going out with H. I felt jealous when I found that out, but deep down I knew we could never work, I mean we are into totally different stuff.
Labels: alcohol, F, H, HIM, N, triggers
